Through the Looking Glass: 24. Inebriation Inventory

Monday, December 3, 2012

24. Inebriation Inventory

A very common part of university and college life is partying and drinking. Young people have for years used the freedom offered by post secondary studies to explore the social realms that were unavailable to them previously. On campus bars, weekly parties and extended social outings are part and parcel of the academic pursuit.

There is always some danger that those truly dedicated to the social aspect of their education may tread to far in their endeavours. In an effort to help students determine whether or not they are balancing the academic and the social the following self test has been developed. Students are encouraged to complete the survey and determine where on the scale they are.

Use the following scoring key

0 - this has never occurred

1 - this occurs occasionally

2 - this happens regularly

3 - this occurs with such frequency that it is hard to think that other people don't live this way.

1.____ That there are 24 hours in a day and 24 cans in a flat runs through your mind daily.

2.____ Your bed has the same movements s merry go round when you lie down on it.

3.____ You have a penchant for falling off the floor.

4.____ Your interpretation of the four basic food groups are caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and the

opposite sex.

5.____ You are able to focus more clearly with one eye closed.

6.____ The back of your head has bruises from the being hit by the toilet seat.

7.____ You are losing more and more arguments with inanimate objects.

8.____ Are thoroughly convinced that beer is the elusive 5th food group.

9.____ Mosquitoes can't fly straight after attacking you.

10.___ You can't understand what you're saying and get irritated when others don't understand you either.

If you scored

0 - 10 : Your social life on campus seems to be non-existent. Perhaps you need to put the nuns habit in the closet or put your halo in a safe deposit box.

11 - 20 : A more balanced approach to campus social life is demonstrated but several blackout episodes would help create a more rounded experience.

21 - 30 : The 'Party Mode" seems to have taken over. You will be well remembered but likely not for your academic success. A plaque on the wall of your favourite watering hole is a distinct possibility.

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Introduction

Having moved at least twenty-five times in fifteen years has opened a world of learning to me. In six decades, an education ranging from the coldness of large cities to the isolation of remote rural locations to the busybody gossip of small towns and the wonder of the prairie and it's ocean of grass have all left their impressions on me.

Recently I relocated to a small city in British Columbia. It touted itself as a historical, cultural, educational and, over-all wonderful, place to live. Once I was past the trees and the rocks, the heights and the hills, the water and the wind, I calmed down and was ready to look at the people I was sharing that space with.

Every location I have ever squatted has had it's share of characters. Players in the cities along with the wide range of tinfoil hat wearers and baggy pants skaters were a given. Pop up strangers at odd hours surprised me with their appearance in the middle of nowhere. Rumours of my serial killer past from neighbours I had never met never swayed me. The wonder of gazing on the effects of wind on the grass ocean interrupted by a landowner enquiring why I was leaning on his fence was oft forgiven.

In this new locale a variety of characters as I had experienced elsewhere was a given. The density and variety of them however gave me more surprise than I would have expected.

I had heard comments about this place being a time warp to the sixties. However I only saw few that , by their appearance, I could say lived through the sixties. What apparitions appeared were younger and more colourful than I remember from that vague decade.

Purple haired strong armed accordionists, heavy head shaved violinists clutching tiny instruments, winter coated scarf wrapped individuals in shorts and oddly calm people with large coffees wandered the streets.

They wandered in and out of new age crystal shops, expressed opinions on local radio, bought nothing but organic food. They played jazz on squeeze boxes, made strings and wood sing in ways not intended, talked to themselves as they tightened their scarves and became more serene with each sip of coffee.

Characters here are more concentrated than in any other locale I have ever lived. It is a point of interest as well as point of concern.

It remains to be seen whether I will be mugged with organic carrots, side swiped by hooligan mountain bikers, be harangued with advice on dressing warmly or kept awake nights by jazzy sounds from an errant squeeze box. Whatever the outcome I am certain I could find it in no other place on earth to explore these particular uncertainties.

Until I am transplanted again, I extend every new-ager and boarder, every subculture economist and spiritualist, every would-be and wanna-be my deep thanks for extending me the opportunity of educating myself one measure more.