Through the Looking Glass: 41. Relationship Types

Saturday, December 15, 2012

41. Relationship Types

The importance of identifying and understanding relationships cannot be understated. The type of relationship one is involved in at any given point in time can help or hinder life expectancy.

Much has been written about the Love/Hate relationship that exists between husbands and wives, between parents and children and between politicians and the rest of humanity. Husbands and wives who gushed honest 'I love yous' as lovers repeat the same words through clenched teeth after marriage. The cycle of feelings in parent/child settings are constantly subject to an ebb and flow that varies from unconditional support to total insurrection. The political example is a slight twist on the norm. Here we love to hate our political representatives but make up for it by hating ourselves if we voted for them.

Co-dependency has been subject to much scrutiny in the media. A simple description for this type of relationship would be "We'll willingly help each other become more and more neurotic until we are mentally ill enough to be invited onto a talk show or to write a book". Titiles of books include, "Wives of Celibate Circus Performers with Gender Identity Issues" and "People Addicted to Self Help Programs". Beyond these well known relationships othershave yet to appear in the psychiatric journals.

The Run/Hide relationship is most obvious when salesmen appear at my door. It has evolved into a 'pretend you're an answering machine' variation as we become victims of telephone marketers. It was also a very common personal response whenever it was announced that my mother-in-law was coming for a visit.

The Torture/Retaliate relationship can be best described as an ongoing, escalating interaction between peers. Children tease and get punched....punch and are kicked ....kick and are threatened with a 45 semi automatic weapon. Escalation is part of the pattern. As an adults we do much the same. The only difference is that cutting off someone in traffic ends up being resolved with a nuclear exchange.

Another relationship type has been dubbed Curse/Pay. Most often acted out when I am being written out a speeding ticket it has also found a voice during income tax time.

I would not be so cynical to suggest that all relationship types are of a negative nature. The Confide/Cry is very positive type that exists between intimate friends. The Party/Hearty type plays itself out between inebriated friends either before or after one of the party becomes violently ill. The Grunt/Whine is most often heard in gyms as an interaction during intense physical endeavours such as weight lifting, wall climbing or lowering an overworked body in the whirlpool. A variation on the latter is the Endure/Never Again relationship that happens on long distance runs, extended mountain bike trips and insane afternoon hikes to the summit of Mount Everest.

As I remain open minded and observant I am awed by the complexity of human relationships and wonder what other revelations may occur in the future. I speculate about where my research will take me and what surprises I will be witness to. Sigmund eat your heart out !

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Introduction

Having moved at least twenty-five times in fifteen years has opened a world of learning to me. In six decades, an education ranging from the coldness of large cities to the isolation of remote rural locations to the busybody gossip of small towns and the wonder of the prairie and it's ocean of grass have all left their impressions on me.

Recently I relocated to a small city in British Columbia. It touted itself as a historical, cultural, educational and, over-all wonderful, place to live. Once I was past the trees and the rocks, the heights and the hills, the water and the wind, I calmed down and was ready to look at the people I was sharing that space with.

Every location I have ever squatted has had it's share of characters. Players in the cities along with the wide range of tinfoil hat wearers and baggy pants skaters were a given. Pop up strangers at odd hours surprised me with their appearance in the middle of nowhere. Rumours of my serial killer past from neighbours I had never met never swayed me. The wonder of gazing on the effects of wind on the grass ocean interrupted by a landowner enquiring why I was leaning on his fence was oft forgiven.

In this new locale a variety of characters as I had experienced elsewhere was a given. The density and variety of them however gave me more surprise than I would have expected.

I had heard comments about this place being a time warp to the sixties. However I only saw few that , by their appearance, I could say lived through the sixties. What apparitions appeared were younger and more colourful than I remember from that vague decade.

Purple haired strong armed accordionists, heavy head shaved violinists clutching tiny instruments, winter coated scarf wrapped individuals in shorts and oddly calm people with large coffees wandered the streets.

They wandered in and out of new age crystal shops, expressed opinions on local radio, bought nothing but organic food. They played jazz on squeeze boxes, made strings and wood sing in ways not intended, talked to themselves as they tightened their scarves and became more serene with each sip of coffee.

Characters here are more concentrated than in any other locale I have ever lived. It is a point of interest as well as point of concern.

It remains to be seen whether I will be mugged with organic carrots, side swiped by hooligan mountain bikers, be harangued with advice on dressing warmly or kept awake nights by jazzy sounds from an errant squeeze box. Whatever the outcome I am certain I could find it in no other place on earth to explore these particular uncertainties.

Until I am transplanted again, I extend every new-ager and boarder, every subculture economist and spiritualist, every would-be and wanna-be my deep thanks for extending me the opportunity of educating myself one measure more.