Through the Looking Glass: 38. Whiners, Wafflers and Wannabes

Saturday, December 15, 2012

38. Whiners, Wafflers and Wannabes

Problem solving - Life 101 - Whiners, Wafflers and Wannabes

'Problems' have dogged humanity for millennia, even before we even descended from the trees. We realized co-operation would help us survive, but genetics and intelligence, being what they are, endowed several ancestors with new abilities. An alarming number of whiners, wafflers and wannabes suddenly appeared.

The 'whine' has been used forever by the self centred to manipulate others to solve their problems. A whiner strikes from nowhere. The victim is initially moved by concern and then assailed repeatedly to fix the problem of the complainer. Tears, stomping and crossed arms are common signs that problem, unless fixed, will result in higher volume, more stomps and increased threats of 'I will hold my breath until my face turns blue'. Luckily sabre-toothed tigers, stampeding mammoths and alert alligators reduced most of these malcontents relatively quickly.

Wafflers as problem solvers also appeared. Observant and with a knack for mathematics they were able to calculate the best odds or the strongest side for survival. Many lost their bet by banking with the Ancient Greek, Roman and Egyptian civilizations. Dancing as best they were able, it appears that a lack of commitment and contribution severely limited their reproductive chances.

Wannabees were likely the least able of the problem solvers. Whether standing bravely before lava flows posturing as heroes or talking to a ten meter lizard in an effort to appear a 'Crocodile Whisperer', most efforts usually ended equally badly.

Natural selection eliminated most of these problem solvers... but not all. They still exist in the modern world. Easily identified, their modern counterparts include divas, politicians and air guitar professionals as well as a myriad of others. They still manage to get our attention and drive us toward insanity. However, divas fade or become overweight, politicians are eliminated with every election and those seeking air guitar as a profession are generally institutionalized. The more easily we can recognize these evolutionary experiments gone wrong, the more assurance we have of our own sane survival.

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Introduction

Having moved at least twenty-five times in fifteen years has opened a world of learning to me. In six decades, an education ranging from the coldness of large cities to the isolation of remote rural locations to the busybody gossip of small towns and the wonder of the prairie and it's ocean of grass have all left their impressions on me.

Recently I relocated to a small city in British Columbia. It touted itself as a historical, cultural, educational and, over-all wonderful, place to live. Once I was past the trees and the rocks, the heights and the hills, the water and the wind, I calmed down and was ready to look at the people I was sharing that space with.

Every location I have ever squatted has had it's share of characters. Players in the cities along with the wide range of tinfoil hat wearers and baggy pants skaters were a given. Pop up strangers at odd hours surprised me with their appearance in the middle of nowhere. Rumours of my serial killer past from neighbours I had never met never swayed me. The wonder of gazing on the effects of wind on the grass ocean interrupted by a landowner enquiring why I was leaning on his fence was oft forgiven.

In this new locale a variety of characters as I had experienced elsewhere was a given. The density and variety of them however gave me more surprise than I would have expected.

I had heard comments about this place being a time warp to the sixties. However I only saw few that , by their appearance, I could say lived through the sixties. What apparitions appeared were younger and more colourful than I remember from that vague decade.

Purple haired strong armed accordionists, heavy head shaved violinists clutching tiny instruments, winter coated scarf wrapped individuals in shorts and oddly calm people with large coffees wandered the streets.

They wandered in and out of new age crystal shops, expressed opinions on local radio, bought nothing but organic food. They played jazz on squeeze boxes, made strings and wood sing in ways not intended, talked to themselves as they tightened their scarves and became more serene with each sip of coffee.

Characters here are more concentrated than in any other locale I have ever lived. It is a point of interest as well as point of concern.

It remains to be seen whether I will be mugged with organic carrots, side swiped by hooligan mountain bikers, be harangued with advice on dressing warmly or kept awake nights by jazzy sounds from an errant squeeze box. Whatever the outcome I am certain I could find it in no other place on earth to explore these particular uncertainties.

Until I am transplanted again, I extend every new-ager and boarder, every subculture economist and spiritualist, every would-be and wanna-be my deep thanks for extending me the opportunity of educating myself one measure more.