20. Sweet Tooth: A Case Study

The 'Sweet Tooth' has long been viewed as quirk by the general public, a nutritional concern by the medical profession and a trip to the Bahamas by dentists. Efforts to dissuade committed imbibers include parents limiting intake, society shaming them and dentists performing root canals.

The time has come for the condition to viewed not as an affliction but as a normal part of the nutritional cycle. Sweets are after all part of the five major food groups. Sweets rank up there right beside potato chips, pizza, steak and beer. In fact lack of sweets in one's diet can lead to nutritional deficiencies that can effect health.

A 'sweets' deficiency can be detected by easily recognizable symptoms. The sour, pinch-faced expression is easy to recognize. Less obvious but far more shocking evidence of this nutritional lack is the uncontrollable drooling that occurs when passing a pastry shop or sharing a recipe for Saskatoon pie. The most difficult index to identify is the chronic, low grade depression common to all who don't get enough sugar in their diet.

Therapeutic techniques have advanced to the point where the suffering can be ended in a relatively short time. A mild deficiency of sweets can be alleviated through with daily doses of whipped cream and strawberries. More advanced cases respond favorably to squares of Calebeau chocolate consumed hourly.

The most serious cases of deprivation are generally stabilized with intravenous feedings of caramel sauce and constant access to French vanilla ice cream and cherry cheese cake. With early treatment this nutritional deficiency can be eradicated.

Presently there is some debate about health plans covering such therapies. Arguments point to inconsistencies in coverage. After all should not a plan that underwrites root canals and electroshock therapy also be open to paying for a gross of lemon meringue pie or bathing in hot fudge. Health insurers have offered to remunerate those willing to undergo gene therapy but have been opposed by those who view the 'sweet tooth' as natural condition rather than as an abhorrent affliction.

No revolutionary form of treatment is without it's problems. Those with diabetes might feel financial strain when their bill for insulin becomes astronomical. People with lower incomes might have to settle for generic versions of therapy that involve little more than raw sugar. As with all courses of medical treatment there can be contraindications.................. 

Who am I kidding!! I'd rather die of a chocolate aneurysm at a young age than spend fifteen decades as a sour, pinch-faced human hemorrhoid. Imbibing my own Sweet Tooth is a celebration of my humanity that I am learning to revel in. Like John Travolta said in 'Michael' ... "There's no such thing as enough sweets." What works for an angel I am certain will work for me.