As a youngster I enjoyed playing with toys... as an adult male I would be unable to function without them. Toys and what I can do with them are the things that define me at this point in my life. Everything from the channel remote... to a new watch... to power tools and their accessories fit under the heading of 'Toys I Must Have'.
Enough has been written about the tendency of men to juggle two movies and three sports events using the channel remote. Little, however, is ever mentioned about the multi-tasking skill that this activity helps develop. As well, the mental gymnastics that are required to remember all that we have been viewing is rarely praised. The skills that fall from engaging ourselves with our toys are many and varied.
A new watch always provides an opportunity to explore new talents. The fact that it is water proof to one hundred meters will enable me to explore scuba diving as a possible hobby. The fact that I live more than a thousand kilometres from the ocean never comes into play. If the face of the watch has numerous dials and buttons I can spend hours learning their function and even more time sharing the useless information they provide with hapless victims around me.
Calculators have run the same route for me. I remember my first one as a young man and how 'cutting edge' I felt when I was able to increase the speed of my work because of it. It was of no consequence that my boasting simply added more work to fill the 'non-productive time I had created. As the little wonders increased in complexity I stayed in the forefront. Recently I came into possession of a wonderful scientific calculator. It has sine, cosine and tangent functions... can be programmed to use formulas... has a display screen that graphs trigonometric equations and an optional pure geometry function. It sits proudly with my other toys on the shelf. I don't use it for more than simple addition and subtraction because I simply don't have a clue what all that other stuff means. However, I revel in the fact that its new, has phenomenal capabilities and shows that I am indeed 'cutting edge'.
Other electronic gear has given me as much pleasure. The cable PPV box is sacred, as I am the singular person capable of programming it. Just as the caveman provided meat for his family I am able to provide mine with mindless trivia and mental bubblegum. Toys help compensate for the things we have lost since ancient times.
Enough has been written about the tendency of men to juggle two movies and three sports events using the channel remote. Little, however, is ever mentioned about the multi-tasking skill that this activity helps develop. As well, the mental gymnastics that are required to remember all that we have been viewing is rarely praised. The skills that fall from engaging ourselves with our toys are many and varied.
A new watch always provides an opportunity to explore new talents. The fact that it is water proof to one hundred meters will enable me to explore scuba diving as a possible hobby. The fact that I live more than a thousand kilometres from the ocean never comes into play. If the face of the watch has numerous dials and buttons I can spend hours learning their function and even more time sharing the useless information they provide with hapless victims around me.
Calculators have run the same route for me. I remember my first one as a young man and how 'cutting edge' I felt when I was able to increase the speed of my work because of it. It was of no consequence that my boasting simply added more work to fill the 'non-productive time I had created. As the little wonders increased in complexity I stayed in the forefront. Recently I came into possession of a wonderful scientific calculator. It has sine, cosine and tangent functions... can be programmed to use formulas... has a display screen that graphs trigonometric equations and an optional pure geometry function. It sits proudly with my other toys on the shelf. I don't use it for more than simple addition and subtraction because I simply don't have a clue what all that other stuff means. However, I revel in the fact that its new, has phenomenal capabilities and shows that I am indeed 'cutting edge'.
Other electronic gear has given me as much pleasure. The cable PPV box is sacred, as I am the singular person capable of programming it. Just as the caveman provided meat for his family I am able to provide mine with mindless trivia and mental bubblegum. Toys help compensate for the things we have lost since ancient times.
Tools are another type of toy that men are drawn to. Using the rationalization that 'I can do it more cheaply', I have spent a small fortune on tools and accessories. What started with a simply hand saw grew into a power saw and just recently a table saw. The fact that I know less than most people about carpentry has no bearing on the fact that I now have the tools to be one.
I also am the proud owner of a
wide range of automotive tools that were ostensibly bought to keep
car repair bills down to manageable levels. I used them whenever I
had a real or perceived mechanical problem. I cherish the mechanic's
toys I possess but use them far less often since I heard my regular
tune-up guy curse out the 'last idiot' mechanic who worked on this
car. In fact the resulting bill would have been easily covered by the
cost of the tools I bought with some left over.
All the cost, damage, spilled
blood, risk of electrocution and simply ridiculous situations that my
'toys' take me into would never for an instant make me think of
giving them up. As important to my self image as my cologne and the
way I have learned to hide my bald spot, my toys speak to the world
about my potential if not my wisdom or skill. As life forges ever
onward I am having disturbing thoughts about not being able to decide
which of my toys I would like to be buried with.
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